I’m just living with memories right now. It’s all I have at the moment and I’m not even trying to make new ones.
I already know my fate, being a child of this family, and I’ve accepted it. At the moment, I’m a student, so I don’t have as many responsibilities yet. Once I’m done with school, that’s when everything will fall on me. Some don’t understand these responsibilities I will inherit and it sorta stresses me a bit. Some lecture me that it’s my life and I should do what I want, not what is bestowed upon me. Some get angry with me that I’m letting someone make rules for me.
Being a friend in my life, they should understand my loyalty. Being a stranger in my life, they shouldn’t criticize me.
I should use this time wisely to make more memories for me to cherish…but it’s so hard. I thought I had everything I already needed but one by one, someone would slap me in the face and tell me to face reality.
If your meaning of reality consists of only sorrow and hardship, no thanks.
“Accept what you are able to do and what you are not able to do; Accept the past as past, without denying it or discarding it; Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others; don’t assume that it’s too late to get involved.”
Sometimes I sigh w/ a heavy heart. I’m such a selfish bitch. Selfish for having these thoughts that I’ve done so much for you, held back so much for you, and yet, you just keep disappointing me. Like Charlie quoted, “Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them.”
I still go shopping and look for things to buy for us, thinking we’re still be the same. I make plans on special days coming up, thinking we’ll still celebrate it the same.
But truth is…the way I see you is not the same anymore. Now my heart just has to accept that.
So while I was at my campus working out, I met a stranger who decided to talk to me. Meeting strangers and trying to be friendly for a long period of time…not really mah thang. Haha
He decided I was interesting enough to lecture me about life. He was a former business owner. He was successful at life until he made a bad move in business trading. He lost everything and decided to go back to school to get his Masters. He was from Chicago and was moving back there the next day.
He asked me all these questions trying to analyze me. We were both Asians so he said he could relate. I honestly didn’t really want to answer his questions but because he was “older” I considered him an elder. No matter how much I hide my identity, I can’t seem to stop being honest when elders ask questions. He lectured and lectured and I just nodded along…not that I was bored or wasn’t paying attention. Everything he said, I had already been through and survived in my very young life :D But I can’t argue w/ an elder and he liked cutting me off. He was extremely serious with life yet he was filled with humor.
We talked and talked…3 hours later, the sun had set. He was kind enough to make sure I got back to my car safely because we were all the way across campus.
But I don’t know…I feel unease. Sometimes I’m thinking back and wonder, why did I waste my time? Then I analyze and thought maybe it’s just because it was out of my comfort zone. I normally don’t have conversations this long with people I don’t know. I really wanted to cut our conversation because I came to work out and I sure wasn’t working out sitting there talking haha before long, it turned to hours. Each time when I thought he would stop talking, he continues with, “Listen to me…” or “Let me tell you something.” Like an elder would :p
We had exchanged emails and number. I thought it would be nice to start networking. He could be beneficial to my career some day :D
Sometimes I think back and feel guilty. I went to work out and didn’t bring anything with me, no phone, no pepper spray, no ID. I could have been in deep shit. When I got back to my car my little sister was steaming mad. She was driving all around campus looking for my awesome ass. She even got pulled over by the campus cop. Her nice yet dumbass self. I told her not to tell my mom I “went missing” especially since my mom just gave me the lecture of not talking to strangers just the day before. Haha
I still feel unease. I am the WORST person to keep in touch with because I don’t reply back. He had already called and emailed me. I’m too lazy to reply back…and still feel uncomfortable.
Did I make the wrong move or is this how networking start? :D *still half blank sheet of paper and needs to be colored*
The things people say and the questions they ask is starting to make me wonder if my way of life and beliefs are too good to be true. In their eyes, I’m pitiful. In my eyes, I think I’m pretty darn awesome.
I guess there’s a set of rules that all humans should follow. They should do this and do that to have a normal life. How about just being happy with the way things are? That’s something I’ve come to realize that they haven’t. I’m 99.9% happy with who I am, what I am, what I’ve accomplished, and what I will accomplish. I’m not bragging because everyone goes through this at one (or more) point in their life…it’s just that I’ve been there, overcame it, and I’m ready to move on.
I’m an understanding person, so I understand that many are still trying to surpass this stage in life. Sometimes during this stage in life, you have to make sacrifices and you have to filter out those that are holding you back. If I’m a link in that chain that’s stopping you from flying, then leave me. I’ve prepared for this moment and I’ll accept it without a fight.
Forgive me if I ever forget you because I’ve already forgiven you.
I love smiling with confidence. I love learning. I love succeeding. Thank you for giving me this determination. I will definitely love the day when I step over you. You watch. :)
I was called a “Korean-Washed” today and I felt very upset. What makes me Korean-Washed? Because you heard a few korean songs played from my CD player? Well then I’m Japanese-washed too, and chinese-washed, and kmung-washed, and laotian-washed. Don’t forget Thai-washed too.
HEY, you know what? I’m ASIAN-WASHED. Wow! If you’re going to categorize me, atleast do it correctly. It’s not fair for all my other race-faces you know?
Well, this is a first that I’ve ever been so into politics and current events (since 9/11). It’s heart breaking what’s happening to Thailand. To think that the leaders surrendering might calm down the situation. Things just got more crazy. Why would you want to burn down your damn city?! You think your life is over so burning down the city is no big deal?
Missy was on and her lameself got me into stalking Thai celebrities and their twitters LOL.
Well, here’s a few quotes, most specificially from May 19th, the day the city burned.
“Can ya’ll not burn the tires? Its really fucking up the ozone I think that’s about the worst thing you can do to the ozone layer.”
-Way from Thaitanium
“I want my CTW!! This is bullshit!! Where to go shopping and eat now!!!! So sad!”
-The spoiled dumbass Lydia
“instead of burning tires burn marijuana everyone can use a good stoning out at this point”
-UTT, MTV VJ
“i miss bangkok in the rain. actually right now i just miss bangkok the way it should be with everyone living in peace and love and respecting the king… “
-Taya Rogers
For his acceptance speech, he started off with a joke: “since I was born, I have never gotten this award before”. Everyone laughed because it’s the first annual Nataraja awards. He thanked the Confederation of the Thai Radio and Television Association, the sponsor, the host, and the presenter of the Nataraja awards. Then he began to talk about Thailand and the King:
“This is an award I received for playing a father role. I would like your permission now to talk about our father (the King of Thailand) briefly na ha. A father is a pillar to a house (Thailand) na ha. My house is very big. We have many people living together. Since I was born, this house was very beautiful–beautiful and homely. For it to be like this, the ancestors of our father, lost sweat, lost blood, traded their lives to be able to build this house. Up to this point, this father, he is still fatigued in keeping up with this house and in caring for the happiness of each person who lives at this house. If someone is angry at another, whoever, and then passed that anger down to our father, hate our father, insult our father, and have thoughts about chasing our father away of this house. I would have to walk up to that person and say, if you hate our father, and do not love our father anymore, you should leave, because this is our father’s house. Because this is our father’s kingdom. I love our King. I believe that everyone here loves our King too. We are the same color. This head I bestow for the King. Thank you!”
–Lyn’s Blog
I visit Lyn’s blog like a hundred times a day lol. Today she posted this clip up. Thought I would share it with everyone too. I thought this speech was incredible and very moving. There’s chaos in Thailand right now involving politics that has some civilians living in fear due to the violence. Aof just wants to remind the Thai people that they are all one color, to reunite and love each other as before.
